Mrs Listers Q&A's

I have been tagged by Sarah my lovely sister to do this question and answer meme from The Guardian and now my assignment is now safely handed in I shall try my best to fill it in.
Mrs Lister was the one who saw this and past it on.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
I have to say I absolutely adore Sir Robert Winston. Biology is a love of mine and his passion for the subject and how he easily explains things makes me admire him.


When were you happiest?
Probably around the age of 19 before everything went wrong. I was enjoying University and my social life was at an all time high. In fact I can't remember most of my university years.


What was your most embarrassing moment?
There are unfortunately a few of these. However I would say the most embarrassing would be at a works party where I dressed up as a bond girl (I was a lot smaller then) in a dress which did not allow for a bra. This in itself wasn't a problem until I got up to dance to YMCA. I was happily dancing away with the others for perhaps a good 2 minutes blissfully unaware anything was wrong. Then someone came up to me and explained that my right boob had been on show for the majority of the song! The meanie blokes weren't going to say anything. I think I went bright red and refrained from dancing for the rest of the night. 


Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
A laptop which cost me £1000


What is your most treasured possession?
My laptop as I would be completely lost without it.


Where would you like to live?
I have always had this fantasy to live by the seaside. I think it comes from watching a program with a single mom in it who lived by the sea and took her children to the beach. It just looked very idyllic.


What’s your favourite smell?
I adore the smell of chocolates and can happily sniff a box of roses. I also strangely like creosote and new magazines.


Who would play you in the film of your life
I have no idea at all. Kate Winslet perhaps?


What is your favourite book?
Anything by Piers Anthony but if I had to chose one it would be Dragon on a pedestal as this was the very first one I read.


What is your most unappealing habit?
Who said I had any habits? My OH has helpfully told me it's not washing my feet enough.


What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
This is an easy question as I have often thought about this. I would like to dress up in an 18th century ballgown. Images in my mind are masquerade balls.


What is your earliest memory?
This would be as a very young child being made to sit in my pushchair at a market because I had been naughty. I started walking at about 9 months and wanted to walk everywhere so this was a terrible punishment.


What is your guiltiest pleasure?
This would be food although my OH says it's conceiving! Anyways I love food in all shapes and sizes and can very easily eat a whole pack of biscuits in one sitting.


What do you owe your parents?
To quote Phillip Larkin, 'They fuck you up your mum and dad, They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, And add some extra just for you. So yes they gave me numerous faults. My dad gave me his cynicism and pessimistic outlook on life, whereas my mum gave me her moodiness and depressive personality. So cheers mom and dad.


To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
My daughter for how things have turned out. For being unable to show my love for her and be close like we should be.


What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Chocolate! I jest. This would be my lovely husband. He drives me to distraction most of the time but I love him dearly.


What does love feel like?
This is a difficult one as there are so many different types of love. Unconditional love is the first moment I met each of my children after giving birth and just staring at them for hours and hours. That horrible sick to the stomach feeling when you think something is very very wrong with them. The utter lonliness and feeling as if something is missing when they are not around even though when they are around you just want to be alone. 


What was the best kiss of your life?
Probably the first kiss I ever had as it was with someone who I had really liked for ages.


Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
It used to be feck off til I got told off at work for using it. Apparantly it sounded too much like a swear word and it was unprofessional of me to use it. At home it is gods sake or FFS.


What is the worst job you’ve done?
This would be when I had graduated and I had no job at all so I foolishy answered one of those ads in the newspaper. It turned out to be going from factory to factory selling stuff to the workers. Definately not the thing for me.


If you could edit your past, what would you change?
However much I love my daughter I will say that I would change the circumstances surrounding how I had her and how I would do things differently second time around. For one I wouldn't let her father get off scot free living his life without knowing his daughter.


What is the closest you’ve come to death?
I remember when I was about 10 going on holiday to Pwhelli, and going on the Boomerang by myself. I happened to be right at the front of the ride and all was going great until it got stuck right at the top. I kept looking to the right of me and seeing the stairs along the track and thinking there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to walk down those stairs if they didn't get the ride going. So I suppose that was the closest I have come to death. Oh and yes they did get it working again by very scarily jerking it and then I had to go round the whole ride backwards after that too. 


What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Going to university and getting a degree.


When did you last cry, and why?
At the news. I am very emotional at the moment.


How do you relax?
It used to be with a nice glass of Blossom Hill Rose but that is out of the question now. I will say now I relax by looking at blogs and writing my blog.


What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
A new house with 4 bedrooms that doesn't need anything doing to it.


What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
It doesn't descriminate and throws everything at you at once.




i am tagging Jollyjilly

midlifesinglemum

newmumonline

Everything seems to be progressing well with sesame seed, my own little ss. For some reason I think this one is a girl. This is probably because all I have done is eat and eat and eat. I did have a slight scare though earlier when I thought Ollie my youngest had chicken pox because he had a few spots on him. After the amazing powers of google I now feel much happier. Apparantly as I have had chicken pox as a child, (I have the scar to prove it.) I will be immune, so even if he has got chicken pox for which I think this is highly unlikely little ss will be fine.
So far I have not had much nausea, and everytime I do feel a little sick I shove something else down my throat. At this rate I will be a fat amorphous blob. Must remember not to literally eat for two.

Listography RIP Emma

Listography courtesy of Kate's take five, in which I have to name 5 things I want people to say at my funeral.

Well this is definately an interesting topic. Strangely enough I have had a lot of thinking around funerals as until 2009 I had never ever attended one. My one set of grandparents died when I was 7 within 3 days of each other and I was not of an age to really understand what that was like. My other set died when I was around 1, so I never really experienced anyone dying in my family.
I knew how short life was from my work as a nurse, where I had seen people who I cared for pass away or a brief stint in A+E where there were so many deaths. So I had gotten away with it for so long.
Then there was a rather horrible end of 2009 where in quick sucsession my uncle had a massive heart attack at the age of 63 and passed away, followed a month later by my Aunty who was 83 and died of lung cancer, then my poor mother in law to be at the age of 54 from pneumonia secondary to pulmonary fibrosis. To say the least it was a tough year.
It was probably my mother in laws death that affected me the most because she knew her health was failing but nothing was ever planned for the funeral. They never discussed what she wanted and I thought that was sad and I wanted people to know exactly what I wanted at my funeral, however macabre that would be. So thanks Kate I shall get to the list now lol.

Things I want said at my funeral.

1. She was a miserable old woman but you had to love her.

2. Who would have thought you could die from that?

3. We love you so much mummy, hope you are giving them hell up there in heaven.

4. Who would have thought she would outlive so many husbands?

5. She was so intelligent, insightful, amazing. The world will be so much worse off without her.

There it is then. I hope I don't find out if any of that is said for a good long while. My daughter looked at me like I had gone mental when I asked her what she would say at my funeral. Perhaps it was just me who thought my parents would die and leave me orphaned when I was young. All those car rides they went on I think.

Here we go again!

I never was one to do things by half. Today I decided to announce my pregnancy by posting my positive test on silent sunday! My sister kinda talked me into it and after a few moments hesitation I clicked on the publish post button. No going back now.... but whose really gonna see it??? 

How wrong could I be. This silent sunday has seen the most visits to my site and comments I have ever had, all thanks to my sister over at overthehillmum who twittered about it. I think she just may be a little bit more excited than I am.

This is not my first pregnancy but I am still nervous as hell about it especially as I am only 5 and a bit weeks gone. I have had two miscarriages which were awful and 3 beautiful lovely children. People think I am mad for wanting more. I think I am mad for wanting more but I can't quiet explain the feeling I get. I think it is because I love the newborn stage. That time where this little baby is wholly dependent on me for everything and I am it's whole world. Don't get me wrong I love every stage of my childrens development but there is something special about the early time of their life. 

I think I have managed to keep this pregnancy quiet for all of half an hour lol. I had a feeling this month I would find out I was expecting again although I told my other half that no I couldn't possibly be pregnant because it is really difficult and only 1 in 5 women get pregnant straight away. (BTW my husband did not want another child, he is a single child and happy to have a small family.) 

So there I am trying to make my husband happy telling him there isn't a cat in hells chance of me being pregnant while all the time I am secretly hoping that I am. I started thinking that I was imagining all the pregnancy symptoms and that I was having a pseudocyesis (phantom pregnancy.) You know when you start to convince yourself that you feel sick and your acting a bit ditzy and mental? 

I took the test early even though I read so many articles about this before I actually did it. I did exactly what they said not to do. If you test early it may be too soon to get a positive test. I told myself that the result wouldn't matter at all so what the hey lets do this test. I used a first response test and it came up surprise surprise negative. I was devastated but then I started to tell myself that ok maybe 6 days early is a bit too early. Of I went searching everything on the internet about when a test should be done and I started to convince myself that yes it was fine perhaps I could still be pregnant. 

I told myself not to do another test til I had actually missed my period. I had a very stern talk with myself and I was convinced my will power would last out. Did I manage to wait? Not at all. I finished work early so I could work on my assignment and I got home and no one was around. Should I take a test? It's still too early I told myself I wouldn't do this again but oh it was so so tempting. 

I decided to use a cheap test and I can remember looking at it and thinking is that a faint pink line? I've done that before though, convinced myself that there is a line there when in fact its nothing at all. In my excitement though I got out the expensive first response test that I was definately keeping. Before I knew it I was using the test. Uh oh what have I done??? Then against all hope I got that all awaited second pink line.

OMG it really had happened, I was pregnant again. Oh crap I have to now tell my husband. I decided to be a coward and phoned him at work so he couldn't say much lol. Although I have to say at least this time he was better than the first time I told him. We had only been going out 7 months and I found out after a night shift and I phoned him whilst he was on the train going to work. His reaction was, 'oh' That was it lol. I have never let him forget either.

So this is it. The start of a period of my life fraught with worry, joy, hope, love and many many more emotions. Already I am almost scared to go to the toilet as I am petrified to find spotting. I think after a miscarriage it is always at the forefront of your mind. 

I went to the doctors hoping he would send me for an early scan just to check everything was ok but he basically told me there was absolutely no point at all as it wouldn't show me anything at all. Basically I think he meant that giving me false hope was just as bad as giving me no hope and that not to worry until something happened. Tell that to a worryholic. I worry if I feel even a niggle of pain, which almost always turns out to be wind. I worry if I am not experiencing certain pregnancy symptoms. The other day I was thinking why am I not feeling this sheer exhaustion everyone talks about, til it actually hit me this week and I wish I wasnt tired all the time. 

Welcome to the rollercoaster. I shall keep all informed. I have little milestones I have to pass which will help me get through. One is to get past 6 weeks as this was when I had my first miscarriage, the second is to get past 8 weeks as this was when I had my second miscarriage and 12 weeks which is when most people class as the safer stage. So the dates will be 23rd april which happens to be the day before my birthday, 7th May and 4th June wich happens to be the weeks my child would have been due. Fingers crossed.

Silent Sunday 17th april

Silent sunday 10th april

Sun sun sun!

Today has been lovely with the sun shining. I had forgotten what it was like to go out without wearing a coat. Maybe this year we will finally get a nice summer and perhaps my skin colour will go from a whiter shade of pale to a medium pale.

We decided to take the kids to the 'big' park near the city centre. Amazingly we managed to enjoy ourselves and other than Ollie deciding he no longer wanted to walk anymore and refused anyone carrying him other than me, it was a brilliant day.

I should really have been spending the day working on my assignment though, but who wants to write about boring things when the sun is shining outside? There is another week and half to finish it, plenty of time. I could knock it out in a mere 24 hours easy.

Ahem I'm fantastic at leaving things til the last minute. All my kids bar one came late and I'm sure Tom was early because the dates had been worked out wrong. He definately looked like shrivelled prune when he came out. Like he had spent too long in the water.

Bring on more sunny days and shunning assignments......