Once again I have found my way over to omammy's blog for her new meme, I don't know about you but.... I always said I loved having a moan so this is my perfect meme. Have a look at all the other wonderful entries and have a go yourself.
I don't know about you but.... I am finding it increasingly more difficult to balance my home life with my work life. It is starting to upset me now because I feel I am always having to put work first over my family. This is probably how I feel as I know there are many many policies in the NHS geared towards balancing homelife with work but I work in a very small team so I know what it is like when someone is missing from that team and what a struggle it presents.
I just find it so hard being a mother sometimes and feel I neglect my children. My 4 year old often asks me in a morning before he goes to play group, ' Mummy are you on a late one tonight?' This is because more often than not the answer is yes.
What has brought up all this angst is my 4 year old coming down with chicken pox and I couldn't take time off work to look after him, I had to make my husband take time off from his work. He gets annoyed because he feels that I am always making out that his job is second rate and mine is more important but I would love nothing better than to stay at home and look after my son. He doesn't realise the guilt I feel going to work and once more putting work first.
I remember being pulled up at work once and told that I wasn't professional and that I should always put work first and not moan about working late etc etc and this really upset me because I always give so much more of myself to my work, so what does that mean I give to my family?
Sometimes I just wish I hadn't wanted to be the career woman and that I could just stay at home and bring up my children. Alas money dictates that I am the breadwinner in the family so it is me who has to go out and work.
Maybe one day I won't feel so guilty about my work and feel like I am constantly pulling myself in two. I try to please everyone and just end up pleasing no one.