Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Having to choose.

Once again I have found my way over to omammy's blog for her new meme, I don't know about you but.... I always said I loved having a moan so this is my perfect meme. Have a look at all the other wonderful entries and have a go yourself.

I don't know about you but.... I am finding it increasingly more difficult to balance my home life with my work life. It is starting to upset me now because I feel I am always having to put work first over my family. This is probably how I feel as I know there are many many policies in the NHS geared towards balancing homelife with work but I work in a very small team so I know what it is like when someone is missing from that team and what a struggle it presents.

I just find it so hard being a mother sometimes and feel I neglect my children. My 4 year old often asks me in a morning before he goes to play group, ' Mummy are you on a late one tonight?' This is because more often than not the answer is yes.

What has brought up all this angst is my 4 year old coming down with chicken pox and I couldn't take time off work to look after him, I had to make my husband take time off from his work. He gets annoyed because he feels that I am always making out that his job is second rate and mine is more important but I would love nothing better than to stay at home and look after my son. He doesn't realise the guilt I feel going to work and once more putting work first.

I remember being pulled up at work once and told that I wasn't professional and that I should always put work first and not moan about working late etc etc and this really upset me because I always give so much more of myself to my work, so what does that mean I give to my family?

Sometimes I just wish I hadn't wanted to be the career woman and that I could just stay at home and bring up my children. Alas money dictates that I am the breadwinner in the family so it is me who has to go out and work.

Maybe one day I won't feel so guilty about my work and feel like I am constantly pulling myself in two. I try to please everyone and just end up pleasing no one.


  1. I know exactly how you feel. Well, almost, luckily my baby isn't old enough to talk yet so can't ask guilt-inducing questions.
    The NHS, however many policies it has regarding 'Work-Life Balance', will never allow life to be truly balanced, because you have to give so much for so little in return.
    Really good post x

  2. Thanks DummyMummy. It does help to know others understand.

  3. I have also worked fulltime and I have to say I felt exactly the same as you. I felt I was pulled in every direction through guilt and never even saw time to think what I wanted. I don't sadly know what the answer is but try and not be too hard on yourself and try and look for the positive sides to being a working Mum and the little treats that the extra money brings xx

  4. Thanks Bloggomy. Note to self, don't blog when you are unhappy about something. It does help my stress to let it out though.

  5. oh Em! It's a terrible feeling and don't dwell too much in the guilt of it all. I was the same with A. Hope the wee man has recovered now. Thanks for joining in. X