Tuesday 10 May 2011

Having to choose.

Once again I have found my way over to omammy's blog for her new meme, I don't know about you but.... I always said I loved having a moan so this is my perfect meme. Have a look at all the other wonderful entries and have a go yourself.

I don't know about you but.... I am finding it increasingly more difficult to balance my home life with my work life. It is starting to upset me now because I feel I am always having to put work first over my family. This is probably how I feel as I know there are many many policies in the NHS geared towards balancing homelife with work but I work in a very small team so I know what it is like when someone is missing from that team and what a struggle it presents.

I just find it so hard being a mother sometimes and feel I neglect my children. My 4 year old often asks me in a morning before he goes to play group, ' Mummy are you on a late one tonight?' This is because more often than not the answer is yes.

What has brought up all this angst is my 4 year old coming down with chicken pox and I couldn't take time off work to look after him, I had to make my husband take time off from his work. He gets annoyed because he feels that I am always making out that his job is second rate and mine is more important but I would love nothing better than to stay at home and look after my son. He doesn't realise the guilt I feel going to work and once more putting work first.

I remember being pulled up at work once and told that I wasn't professional and that I should always put work first and not moan about working late etc etc and this really upset me because I always give so much more of myself to my work, so what does that mean I give to my family?

Sometimes I just wish I hadn't wanted to be the career woman and that I could just stay at home and bring up my children. Alas money dictates that I am the breadwinner in the family so it is me who has to go out and work.

Maybe one day I won't feel so guilty about my work and feel like I am constantly pulling myself in two. I try to please everyone and just end up pleasing no one.


5 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you feel. Well, almost, luckily my baby isn't old enough to talk yet so can't ask guilt-inducing questions.
    The NHS, however many policies it has regarding 'Work-Life Balance', will never allow life to be truly balanced, because you have to give so much for so little in return.
    Really good post x

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  2. Thanks DummyMummy. It does help to know others understand.

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  3. I have also worked fulltime and I have to say I felt exactly the same as you. I felt I was pulled in every direction through guilt and never even saw time to think what I wanted. I don't sadly know what the answer is but try and not be too hard on yourself and try and look for the positive sides to being a working Mum and the little treats that the extra money brings xx

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  4. Thanks Bloggomy. Note to self, don't blog when you are unhappy about something. It does help my stress to let it out though.

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  5. oh Em! It's a terrible feeling and don't dwell too much in the guilt of it all. I was the same with A. Hope the wee man has recovered now. Thanks for joining in. X

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