Sunday, 29 May 2011


Well I guess I ought to update everyone on what has happened. I have not been on here for a bit as I went on holiday last friday 21st May and Butlins do not have very good internet conections.
We travelled up by coach and arrived happily around 1pm, unloaded the masses of luggage and went to have a look around while we awaited the accomodation to be ready. We had been lookingn forward to this holiday for months and everyone was in high spirits. The kids were hyper and trying to do everything in the first half hour. Even Pete seemed excited.
That was until I discovered I was spotting around 5pm. It was hardly anything at all but I still went into a panic because of everything that had happened the last time. I forced myself to carry on as normal and enjoy the holiday and even went out on the night time. All the time I was stressing over what I would find each time I went to the toilet. Eventually the next morning everything had calmed down and I convinced myself that it must have been the long journey and there was nothing to worry about.
We went out and had a lovely breakfast then decided to go around the fair with the kids. Then I found out I had started bleeding again just like a period. I won't lie, I went into a bit of a panic as I didn't know what to do or where to go. We ended up all piling into a taxi and going to A + E in Skegness. Now I am used to a big hospital so it was a bit of a shock when we got to Skegness hospital. The waiting room was smaller than our doctors. It soon became clear that there was nothing at this hospital at all. They couldn't even analyse blood samples, take x-rays or do scans.
I ended up having to be transferred via ambulance to Pilgrim Hospital in Boston, around a 40 minute trip. We had all the kids with us at the time and Pete had to phone Butlins to see if they would be able to look after the children while he came to the hospital with me. He ended up having to get a taxi with all the kids back to Butlins to drop off the boys then come straight back to me with Charlotte as no one was able to look after her.
We all then went off in the ambulance along windy roads and all I could see were cabbage fields. Char loved the journey as she had never been in a ambulance before. I was just thinking it was all happening all over again as it was exactly the same as before. By this time I was heavily bleeding and losing massive clots.
We arrived at Boston only to be told that there were no scanning equipment available until monday. Looking at my blood results they said it was still possible the pregnancy was going ahead and from examination the cervix was still closed. They said without evidence from a scan they were going to leave me to see if things settled down.
However the bleeding continued and by around 8pm I was feeling very dizzy and was finding it difficult to do anything without feeling I was going to pass out. I had nothing with me so I was literally a bloody mess and Pete had to leave me around 6pm to get back to the kids. The staff kept asking if there was anyone we had come with who could help. We kept telling them everyone was 4 hours away.
Pete did explain to me that my mom and dad were coming up to help out with everything so this was a relief. I was thinking about myself particularly I was more worried about Pete and how he would cope with the kids and everything. The last time it happened he was so stressed and that was with people around him to help. I am very greatful to my parents for coming up as they helped immensely.
around 9pm the doctors decided that because I was still bleeding heavily they were going to use a portable ultrasound scan from the labour ward. Not ideal but they wanted to know what was going on as they wanted to operate.
It was what I feared. The scan showed no baby but there was still products of conception in the womb. I hate that terminology, products of conception. That was a baby at one point. It just makes it sound so medical and as if it wasn't a little life at some point.
That was it then I was off to theatre something I have dreaded as I have never been put to sleep before. I also know what theatre staff are like and the comments they can pass about people when they are asleep. so I was literally dreading it. What if I never woke up again? What if something goes wrong? All this going through my head whilst I sat in a hospital bed on my own.
Around midnight I finally went to theatre and by this time I was knackered and feeling rather ill through all the blood loss. By this time I just wanted it all over with. They gave me some horrible stuff first which apparantly was meant to relax me but it just made me feel awful. Then came the anaesthetic and at last I was asleep. I awoke around 12.30am and I just wanted to get back to the ward so I could sleep. Everything went fine luckliy and I was told I could go home in the morning.
By this time my parents had made it up to Skegness so at least we had someone who could pick me up now. I had to wait for Pete to bring me new clothes as I had absolutely nothing with me. I told him early on that he could come pick me up and I think they finally came around 11am.
It was a terrible experience but I didn't feel the same about this one than the previous one. Whether I am still in denial I don't know but I think it was because deep down I was always thinking this one would end the same way as the last so I never really got attached like I did before. I kept trying to tell myself that everything would be ok this time and that I couldn't be that unlucky for it to happen a third time but I think I knew really.
I would just like to know what is going on but of course they won't investigate until I have had a row of 3 miscarriages. All the doctors kept telling me was that it was one of those things and that because I already had 3 children so it was more likely that it was nothing that could be prevented.
I managed to last 10 weeks with this one. Can I really put myself through all that again? Pete definately won't let me. He has already threatened to have the snip. I just keep thinking third time lucky but I know I would be a nervous wreck and I would need a lot of  support which I doubt I would get.
Could it be that I wanted it too much? I watch these programs on the tv where the women continue to smoke, drink, take drugs, everything you aren't supposed to do and go on to have normal healthy babies. There's me doing everything right, drinking decaf coffee, not even drinking a small amount of alcohol, everything but it made no difference. I got back off holiday to find my appointment with the consultant so that was fun.
Who knows what the future holds but at this moment in time it looks like I won't be having any more children and this is very sad. I guess I should be happy with the ones I have.....

Thursday, 12 May 2011

Week 9

After a slight problem with my midwife appointment I saw her again today to finish all my paperwork. My blood results came back with everything normal thankfully but there was a strange result. Apparantly I am a possible alpha thalassemia carrier. Thalassemia is a blood disorder which is often misdiagnosed as iron deficiency anaemia, and there are several forms ranging in severity.  I have also discovered that it can lead to miscarriage which makes me wonder about the two I had before. Strangely though they don't want to test my husband for the trait even though he is of mediteranian descent. My midwife has told me nothing needs to be done unless I show any anaemia in my pregnancy.
I also had a phone call today from the healthy eating team as they had received a referral from my midwife. Because my BMI is 34 which yes I know is disgraceful considering I got down to a BMI of 28 for my wedding, I obviously need some help being told what food is healthy and what isn't. I've trained as a cambridge counsellor, I know all about nutrition and what is healthy and what isn't. My weight gain is from being unhappy and overeating, (the majority went on after the miscarriage and I am becoming increasingly stressed at work and home.) So what are they going to do for me? Oh and did I mention I am also a nurse? I am not stupid. I know eating a whole tub of ben and Jerries or Haagen daz isn't good for me, or having takeaways all the time. I do eat vegetables and fruit and good healthy meals the majority of the time.
Looks like I have to go and be patronised and told exactly what I should and shouldn't eat. I've seen plenty of mums behaving badly on TV so I know exactly what it is all about. I guess I wouldn't mind so much but my BMI was 44 when I had my last child and to me I have done well to lose weight with just a little slip along the way. If I wasn't pregnant I would have gone back on the cambridge diet and lost those couple of stone easily.

When I reach 12 weeks I already decided I was going to exercise more, I have zumba on the wii and wii sports to help me, but I didn't want to exercise till I knew things were ok. Yeah yeah I can hear you saying it is denial and it's true I don't like exercise as I become a little obsessed with it and go over the top.

Is the NHS becoming weightist? I am supple and able to bend easily and I am not that unfit. Walking constantly around an out patients department and going up and down stairs ensures I am fit. My weight has never stopped me from doing anything and I don't get out of puff easily.

I don't smoke, I don't drink my only problem is my weight so please just let me get on with it. If I only ate unhealthy foods maybe there is a point but I eat vegetables and fruits, I make sure I take in good vitamins and minerals in amongst the crap.

Well thats my moan over with. There are a lot of other things going on at the moment but I am refraining from talking about them or else I may start to cry and never stop. Hi ho. Until next time. I would love your comments on anything I have written today.

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Bad combinations

This week for kate's take five she has asked us to look at bad combinations which has got my brain working. Here is my attempt.

1. Savings/kids. They are like leaches. Any spare money you may have had suddenly gets spent on new uniforms, shoes that have gotten scuffed after only a weeks wear, and all the other trillions of things they find they suddenly need urgently.

2. Lie ins/ Kids. Lol kids again. There is absolutely no chance of a lie in once you have children, especially if they are young. They just don't seem to have any concept of time. What is up with them waking up at 6.30am? I've tried putting bin liners on the windows to trick them into sleeping later but it never works.

3. Mobile phones/ Mums. My mother can't stand it when I use my mobile phone. She just doesn't understand texting at all and twitter is definately beyond her. If ever I go round and I fetch my mobile out I can see her look of annoyance. Then she will moan if I don't answer my mobile if she calls me. I can't win lol.

4. Watching TV/ Kids. It is impossible watching tv with 2 kids running around the house screaming, or running their cars along the floor. It is as if they know your favourite programm has come on so they go and play with all their really noisy toys.

5. Diets/ Me. Diets should be banned. I hate them. I wish I could eat what I liked and be the size I want to be. The whole idea of a diet is horrible, restricted food intake, not being able to eat what you really want. You either end up being miserable because you are starving yourself or miserable because you eat what you like but weigh a tonne. Guess the answer is more exercise but that is such hard work!

I do notice a theme here. Most of my answers include children. I guess that is because my life is taken over by kids at the moment. I love them dearly but they do dictate many things.


Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Having to choose.

Once again I have found my way over to omammy's blog for her new meme, I don't know about you but.... I always said I loved having a moan so this is my perfect meme. Have a look at all the other wonderful entries and have a go yourself.

I don't know about you but.... I am finding it increasingly more difficult to balance my home life with my work life. It is starting to upset me now because I feel I am always having to put work first over my family. This is probably how I feel as I know there are many many policies in the NHS geared towards balancing homelife with work but I work in a very small team so I know what it is like when someone is missing from that team and what a struggle it presents.

I just find it so hard being a mother sometimes and feel I neglect my children. My 4 year old often asks me in a morning before he goes to play group, ' Mummy are you on a late one tonight?' This is because more often than not the answer is yes.

What has brought up all this angst is my 4 year old coming down with chicken pox and I couldn't take time off work to look after him, I had to make my husband take time off from his work. He gets annoyed because he feels that I am always making out that his job is second rate and mine is more important but I would love nothing better than to stay at home and look after my son. He doesn't realise the guilt I feel going to work and once more putting work first.

I remember being pulled up at work once and told that I wasn't professional and that I should always put work first and not moan about working late etc etc and this really upset me because I always give so much more of myself to my work, so what does that mean I give to my family?

Sometimes I just wish I hadn't wanted to be the career woman and that I could just stay at home and bring up my children. Alas money dictates that I am the breadwinner in the family so it is me who has to go out and work.

Maybe one day I won't feel so guilty about my work and feel like I am constantly pulling myself in two. I try to please everyone and just end up pleasing no one.

Saturday, 7 May 2011

8 weeks and counting!

This week has been so busy, stressful and knackering I haven't even been on my laptop and I feel I have neglected it somewhat. Last friday my middle son came down with chicken pox and we ended up becoming prisoners in our own house. He has been absolutely fine with it and hasn't really scratched much at all. Just waiting for the others to get it now.

I went back to work on tuesday and ever since it has been hectic and every night I have returned home with aching feet from spending a good 9 hours on them. What was that about reducing stress??? I have worked  my little cotton socks off this week.

On thursday I had my first appointment with the midwife. Last time I had my appointment all sorted out and I miscarried on the tuesday just days before, so as you can imagine I have already been on edge this week. I almost dread going to the toilet how daft that sounds.

Anyways my midwife is lovely, I met her towards the end of my last childs pregnancy. Straight away she asked where I was having this child and suggested home birth. When she looked at the sizes of my last three children though she changed her mind lol. I would love a home birth as I never like going to hospital other than for work, but Pete is very against it. He doesn't like the idea of the mess ( he is a tad OCD) and also he is worried if anything went wrong there wouldn't be the backup of a hospital to use. I have tried to point out that this will be my fourth so I might not even be able to get to the hospital in time. Also there will be two trained midwives present at the birth who are trained and if anything happened the hospital is 10 minutes up the road.

I doubt he will back down though. I could see Oliver trying to get into the pool with me though if I did deliver at home. Regardless of where I give birth I already know that it will be another water birth as Oliver my third child was my easiest labour and the one I felt most in control of. I have also heard a lot about hypnobirthing so I would like to try this combined with my waterbirth. It does seem a bit odd that I am only 2 months into my pregnancy and I am already thinking about how I will give birth. 7 Months is a long long way away at the moment.

Everytime I have been pregnant there seems to be something different. When I had my daughter 11 years ago, I wasn't able to find out the sex at the 20 week scan. Then when I had Thomas 4 years ago this had changed so I could find out his sex. Then with Oliver 2 years ago the whole idea of waterbirths opened up to me. This was probably available before but I had never heard of them. This time around it is the scans. My hospital now offers nucal fold scans as part of the antenatal care now. It has always been available but only in high risk groups or privately.

I had to chose whether I wanted to have all the tests done for Downs. I had them with Charlotte and Oliver but not with Thomas. My midwife said I had to think carefully about having the tests because I had to be sure I could live with the results. If they came back as high risk I would then have to decide whether to go down the route of diagnostic testing such as amniocentesis or chorionic villi sampling. I could just know I have a high risk and chose not to get definitive proof until the birth, as the diagnostic tests have a 1% increased risk of miscarriage.

In the end I decided to go with the tests as I would prefer to know if anything was wrong so I could come to terms with it rather than a shock at the birth. The tests involve simple blood tests and the special nucal fold scan at around 12 weeks. This is a special scan which looks at the size of the neck as downs have shown to have thicker necks. Then everything is amalgamated together and the risk of down's will be calculated. This will take place around June time.

So there you have it. Everything seems to be going well. I have passed my second target and well on my way to my third at 12 weeks. I have already thought of my birth plan and have an idea which I am sure will be reviewed more closer to the time. I am starting to panic a bit about work though. I said I would work til the end of November due to staff holidays but that means I will be 38 weeks pregnant when I finally go on mat leave. Im 8 weeks pregnant now and I have been so knackered and stressed this week. Hopefully I will have a bit of help when I am wobbling all over the place and the size of a heffalump. I doubt I will be able to rush anywhere lol. I guess people would be less likely to have a go at a heavily pregnant woman. :-)

Next installment in 4 weeks.....

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Black country living museum

We all went on a trip to the Black country living museum (BCLM) yesterday and had a fabulous time. Sometimes it can be a nightmare finding somewhere to go with 3 kids of varying ages and it is never cheap. My friend asked me if I fancied going back to the museum as we both last went for her birthday last November.

What a fantastic idea I thought, the kids will love that and how great it will be for them to see how things used to be where they lived back in the 'olden days.'

BCLM is located in Dudley and has several old buildings which have been painstakenly moved brick by brick to the museum, lots of displays, and people dressed up in victorian outfits explaining all about their life. There is even an old fashioned fairground.

Looking at the prices online it wasn't over priced, under 5's went in free, over 5's were £6.10 as were students and Adults were £12.60. They even did family tickets, 2+3 for £34 and 1+1 for £17. There was a reduction in price if you paid in advance. What was even better value was that this one off payment allowed entrance to the museum for a whole year! Absolutely fabulous.

When we got there Thomas who is 4 was really excited and was trying to see and do everything all at once. He loved looking at all the old vehicles especially the rather grand fire engine. He is very much a boy in that respect. Where as Ollie on the other hand just wanted to run around the place messing with all the displays while mummy had a nervous break down at the thought of those old relics being damaged.

The old fashioned fairground was another hit with the children although Thomas and Ollie were not tall enough to go on half the rides. I am guessing health and safety didn't exist when the fair opened way back when so kids of all ages probably went on the rides. They still managed to enjoy themselves and spend a lot of my money to boot! To be fair though the rides were around £1.00 a go which is cheap compared to some rides nowadays. Also it can't be cheap maintaining such an old fairground rides.

After building up an appetite at the funfair we all headed over to the old fashioned chip shop for a lovely bag of fish and chips. The chips were cooked in lard, yum yum. They were not cheap at £5.50 a bag and we had to wait a very long time in a very long queue to get them. The kids became very restless and Thomas especially started playing up, but as soon as the food came they instantly shut up and became quiet.
After filling our bellies we went around the old houses and Ollie preferred the gardens to the inside of the houses. It is amazing how different houses were back then. They were tiny but cosy. It is hard to imagine that a whole family would live in one room of the house and that the stove was always kept on. I wouldn't have been too fond of the washing arrangements either. I have a new found love of my washing machine. :-)
After a long informative day we were all ready to go home. It was a wonderful day and we all learnt something new. My daughter takes after me as her favourite thing was the little house which contained all the old money, shillings, sixpences, hapennies etc. The paper money looked like manopoly money!     
We would all definitely go again. I would reccommend it to anyone especially if you like history.

Monday, 25 April 2011

My wedding re-invented

Thanks to Kate the theme for this weeks listography is weddings. How would you change your wedding if you could do it all over again? Well I only got married last October so it is still very fresh in my mind and ubfortunately there are many things I would like to have changed which is awful really when it is supposed to be the perfect day.

1. I wouldn't leave everything to the last minute and rush around trying to get everything done. I must have been the most laid back bride in the history of brides. Nothing stressed me at all. I sorted out the favours the night before the wedding lol.

2. I would save up for my wedding from an early age. My wedding was done on a budget so it meant that I couldn't have everything I wanted. If money wasn't an issue I would have got married at Warwick castle, had a horse drawn carriage take me to the ceremony etc etc.

3. Get the rings earlier. My ring wasn't a problem as I have normal sized fingers, but when we got Pete's finger measured he was a size Z. Well you can imagine there are not many places that have a size Z in stock and everywhere was telling us they could get one in 2 weeks. The wedding was less than a week. I remember him saying to me afterwards, 'oh yeah I forgot my fingers were big.' Thanks for warning me. He is now known as fat finger Pete. I did manage to get him a titanium ring. At the wedding we both laughed when they presented the two rings together because his was so much bigger than mine.

4. I would sort out music for walking down the aisle so I wouldn't end up with some weird song being played. I can't even remember what it was now but I know it was a Robbie Williams song that was not appropriate for a wedding.

5. And finally I would make sure my husband stayed by my side to welcome all the guests as they arrived on the night. Most of my relatives hadn't got a clue who the groom was because he was always at the bar or the toilet or somewhere else. I remember chasing him around most of the night. I don't think people should drink at their weddings. I couldn't drink so this may be a bit of jealousy lol.

Saying all that though really I wouldn't change it for the world and I am so glad I got married in the end. It was something me and Pete had wanted to do for a while but babies kept being born lol. If my wedding had been perfect there wouldn't have been anything to make me laugh later on. I wish my other half had helped me with the arrangements but as he kept telling me, 'what do I know about weddings? It's the brides day.' In other words I can't be arsed to sort it out and as long as there is booze and old friends there I'll be happy!

Sunday, 24 April 2011


Well it was my birthday today and I can't exactly say it was any different from any other day. At what age do birthday's just become another day? I did have some lovely presents though and got to eat lots of lovely easter eggs. :-)

Unfortunately I wasn't able to have a lovely birthday drink but that doesn't bother me. I'm off to the black country living museum tomorrow so that should be fun. As long as the kids behave. :-)

Silent sunday 24th April

Silent Sunday

Saturday, 23 April 2011

6 weeks

Milestone one reached successfully! I am 6 weeks pregnant today and baby is now the size of a pea. It is still looking like a weird little blob but its heart has started beating. This is my 7th pregnancy (3 babies) and I still get amazed at how a baby starts out as a mass of cells. It is a miracle of nature that this little thing grows over 9 months into a perfect little bundle of joy.
I know it is a long long way away at the moment but I have already starting planning things. Having 4 kids isn't going to be easy but I am so looking forward to it. My youngest Ollie who is 2 absolutely adores little babies so I don't think I will have any problems at all with him. Thomas who is 4 may get jealous as he already tries to get my attention over Ollie. Charlotte my oldest 11 year old will be fine. I think she has become used to all these kids now. She has already told me she wants this one to be another boy though. She likes being the only grandaughter in the family.
I have already decided to find out what the sex is. With Charlotte there was a rule at the hospital where they wouldn't tell me the sex and although it was a lovely surprise when she came out and I was told she was a girl I don't think I have the patience now to wait that long. It is bad enough waiting 20 weeks to find out.
My first appointment with the midwife is in 2 weeks and already it is causing problems at work. I happen to work in a place where only 2 of us can do one particular role in our job. It just so happens that this other person is on holiday when my appointment is so I am going to have to sort some things out when I get back. I know it is my legal right to have time off work to attend midwife appointments but it is definately awkard when no one else can do your work. Oh well I am sure something will get sorted, it always does.
My sickness has got worse this week but at least I am not throwing up. It definately hasn't stopped me eating!
Next goal is 8 weeks!

Thursday, 21 April 2011

New meme

I happened to come across this meme from someones website and thought it sounded wonderful. This might be because I am a self confessed moanaholic. omammy has devised a meme where you start with, I don't know about you but..... and is a fabulous moaning fest.
So here is my first go.
I don't know about you but..... I hate having to watch football all the time. My OH is obsessed with it and will watch absolutely any game, from 5 a side old star games to the normal football. I think the only football he wouldn't watch is womens and any games with Man U playing.
I hate everything about football. The crowds of people who just walk wherever they like, infront of cars, in the middle of the road etc. I also hate the crappy chants they all have and how rowdy the men and women are especially on a packed train. Then there is the noise itself. I just hate it and what I hate more is when I find myself watching the damn thing just because it is on the tv. There you go thats one rant out the way. Many many more to come lol.

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Mrs Listers Q&A's

I have been tagged by Sarah my lovely sister to do this question and answer meme from The Guardian and now my assignment is now safely handed in I shall try my best to fill it in.
Mrs Lister was the one who saw this and past it on.

Which living person do you most admire, and why?
I have to say I absolutely adore Sir Robert Winston. Biology is a love of mine and his passion for the subject and how he easily explains things makes me admire him.

When were you happiest?
Probably around the age of 19 before everything went wrong. I was enjoying University and my social life was at an all time high. In fact I can't remember most of my university years.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
There are unfortunately a few of these. However I would say the most embarrassing would be at a works party where I dressed up as a bond girl (I was a lot smaller then) in a dress which did not allow for a bra. This in itself wasn't a problem until I got up to dance to YMCA. I was happily dancing away with the others for perhaps a good 2 minutes blissfully unaware anything was wrong. Then someone came up to me and explained that my right boob had been on show for the majority of the song! The meanie blokes weren't going to say anything. I think I went bright red and refrained from dancing for the rest of the night. 

Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
A laptop which cost me £1000

What is your most treasured possession?
My laptop as I would be completely lost without it.

Where would you like to live?
I have always had this fantasy to live by the seaside. I think it comes from watching a program with a single mom in it who lived by the sea and took her children to the beach. It just looked very idyllic.

What’s your favourite smell?
I adore the smell of chocolates and can happily sniff a box of roses. I also strangely like creosote and new magazines.

Who would play you in the film of your life
I have no idea at all. Kate Winslet perhaps?

What is your favourite book?
Anything by Piers Anthony but if I had to chose one it would be Dragon on a pedestal as this was the very first one I read.

What is your most unappealing habit?
Who said I had any habits? My OH has helpfully told me it's not washing my feet enough.

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
This is an easy question as I have often thought about this. I would like to dress up in an 18th century ballgown. Images in my mind are masquerade balls.

What is your earliest memory?
This would be as a very young child being made to sit in my pushchair at a market because I had been naughty. I started walking at about 9 months and wanted to walk everywhere so this was a terrible punishment.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
This would be food although my OH says it's conceiving! Anyways I love food in all shapes and sizes and can very easily eat a whole pack of biscuits in one sitting.

What do you owe your parents?
To quote Phillip Larkin, 'They fuck you up your mum and dad, They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, And add some extra just for you. So yes they gave me numerous faults. My dad gave me his cynicism and pessimistic outlook on life, whereas my mum gave me her moodiness and depressive personality. So cheers mom and dad.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
My daughter for how things have turned out. For being unable to show my love for her and be close like we should be.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Chocolate! I jest. This would be my lovely husband. He drives me to distraction most of the time but I love him dearly.

What does love feel like?
This is a difficult one as there are so many different types of love. Unconditional love is the first moment I met each of my children after giving birth and just staring at them for hours and hours. That horrible sick to the stomach feeling when you think something is very very wrong with them. The utter lonliness and feeling as if something is missing when they are not around even though when they are around you just want to be alone. 

What was the best kiss of your life?
Probably the first kiss I ever had as it was with someone who I had really liked for ages.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
It used to be feck off til I got told off at work for using it. Apparantly it sounded too much like a swear word and it was unprofessional of me to use it. At home it is gods sake or FFS.

What is the worst job you’ve done?
This would be when I had graduated and I had no job at all so I foolishy answered one of those ads in the newspaper. It turned out to be going from factory to factory selling stuff to the workers. Definately not the thing for me.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
However much I love my daughter I will say that I would change the circumstances surrounding how I had her and how I would do things differently second time around. For one I wouldn't let her father get off scot free living his life without knowing his daughter.

What is the closest you’ve come to death?
I remember when I was about 10 going on holiday to Pwhelli, and going on the Boomerang by myself. I happened to be right at the front of the ride and all was going great until it got stuck right at the top. I kept looking to the right of me and seeing the stairs along the track and thinking there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to walk down those stairs if they didn't get the ride going. So I suppose that was the closest I have come to death. Oh and yes they did get it working again by very scarily jerking it and then I had to go round the whole ride backwards after that too. 

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Going to university and getting a degree.

When did you last cry, and why?
At the news. I am very emotional at the moment.

How do you relax?
It used to be with a nice glass of Blossom Hill Rose but that is out of the question now. I will say now I relax by looking at blogs and writing my blog.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
A new house with 4 bedrooms that doesn't need anything doing to it.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
It doesn't descriminate and throws everything at you at once.

i am tagging Jollyjilly